The Hot Boys Crack Fic!
by Goddess of the Moonlit Sky
Summary: Crack fic ahead! Collaboration between myself and Unluckyangel13. She and I throw hot anime/manga guys, torture them, poke fun of them, and make them do outrageous things for our pleasure and for yours, of course . Please read and review!
1. Chapter 1

A.N. Okay, so this is a crack fic my friend Unluckyangel13 and I wrote together when we were bored. It will NOT be continued. What you see here is what you get. Sorry if that disappoints anyone. Anyways, this contains spoilers from Vampire Knight so if any of you readers have not read up to, hmm, let's see, um…Volume 9 of Vampire Knight, please do not complain in the reviews that I spoiled this for you. Also, if you have not read the manga Black Bird, I highly suggest you do so. It is great. The character Kyo Usui from that manga is in this fic also. Also thrown into the mix are Kaoru and Hikaru from Ouran High School Host Club and Sesshomaru (a.k.a. Lord Sesshy-poo and/or Lord Smexy Pants. I will be referring to him in those forms.)

**Goddess: ***Plants a video camera in Kaname's room and tosses Kyo in there too* C'mon boys, I wanna see some action! Oh, I know, I'll handcuff you two together in handcuffs that can't be broken by demons and/or vamps! And I'm going to make the length REALLY short so you two will have to be practically glued together! Yummy!

**Unlucky: **

Kaname: *Whispers something to Kyo*  
Kyo: Are you sure about this?

**Goddess: **

*Is getting annoyed and finally shouts out at Kaname* DO HIM! DO HIM! TAKE YOUR PANTS OFF! OH, AND YOUR SHIRT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!  
Kyo: Isn't that what usually happens when *Wiggles eyebrows* you-know-what happens?  
Me: SHUT UP!

(We will now pause for a brief intermission. Okay, we're back.)

**Unlucky: **

**Okay boys, back to work!**

**Goddess: **

Kyo: Why don't you come and make me?  
Me: *Grabs him by the throat and glares* JUST. DO. IT.  
Kyo: What exactly do you mean by, "Do it"?  
Me: YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN!

**Unlucky: **

Me: Do him do him!  
Kaname: I'm not sure this is going to work, were both semes, we need an uke.

**Goddess: **

**Me: ** JUST COMPROMISE!

**Unlucky: **  
Kaname: I'm not going to bottom!  
Kyo: Neither am I.

**Goddess: **

Kaname: Unless...  
Me: *Leans forward eagerly*  
Kyo: Yeah? Unless?  
Kaname: Unless our captors promise not to put this on YouTube  
Me: *Hides the camera behind my back*

**Unlucky: **

Me: Oh we won't put it on youtube... *Whispers* Selling it on dvds to fangirls is another matter though...

**Goddess: **

Kaname: I heard that.  
Kyo: Yeah, me too!  
Me: Oh, shut up and get on with the action!

**Unlucky: **

Kaname: But I don't like chicken!

**Goddess: **

Me: *Throws two mini skirts at them* Put these on  
Kyo: *Eyes them* I don't like where this is going

**Unlucky: **

Me: Relax, you're just gonna dance..

**Goddess: **

Kyo: I DON'T dance  
Me: You will dance or I will bash you over the head with this giant metal fan!

**Unlucky:**

Kyo: Is this suppose to be a stripper dance?

**Goddess: **

Me: Yes! You're going to strip for Kaname.

**Unlucky:**

Kaname: I'M NOT GAY!  
Me: For anyone but Zero!

**Goddess: **

*Zero is suddenly thrown into the room, completely pants-less*  
Kaname: *Tries his hardest not to eye Zero*  
Kyo: ORGY!

**Unlucky: **

Zero: What's wrong Kaname? Don't you want me here?  
Kaname: *Nibbles on Zero's neck*

**Goddess: **

Zero: A little to the left...then go straight until you reach the crossing between Alzheimer's and Crohn's...  
Kaname: *Pulls away* Wait, what?  
Zero: I have no clue. I have a feeling that I'm not myself and that I'm being controlled by two rabid fan girls with dirty minds...  
Me: JUST GET ON WITH IT!

**Unlucky: **Kyo: *Flies away*

**Goddess: **

Me: Oh no you don't! *Shoots an arrow and misses pathetically* Damn!  
Kyo: Ha, you loser!  
Me: Don't you dare call me a loser! I'll take all your primary feathers!  
Kyo: I'd like to see you try.

**Unlucky: **Me: *Falls out of a tree and causes Kyo to crash into ground*

**Goddess: **

Me: *Lunges and starts tugging on Kyo's hair* Back to the orgy, Mr. Horse!  
Kyo: I'm not a horse, I'm a Tengu!  
Me: What's the difference?

**Unlucky:**

Kyo: Tengu are birds, horses aren't  
Zero: HARDER KANAME!  
Me: Damn it we missed some of the best footage!

**Goddess: **

Me: *Runs over with a video camera* I'm going to need you two to stop what you're doing and do it all over again  
Zero: *Holds up a jar of pickles that has now been opened* What? You want me to tighten this and then have Kaname open it all over again?  
Me: *Anime fall* I THOUGHT YOU TWO WERE DOING EACH OTHER!

**Unlucky: **

Zero: *Innocently* What do you mean by that? *Tilts head*  
Kyo: Kaname have you ever done him...  
Kaname: Not yet...

**Goddess: **

Me: Well, let me just say this: WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?  
Kaname: I was waiting for the right time, the right place, and the right amount of cash.  
Me: You want ME to pay YOU to screw Zero and Kyo?  
Kaname: Basically, yes.  
Me: *Sighs*

**Unlucky: **

Kyo: If he's getting paid I'm getting paid too!  
Me: Fine, but he's getting paid in cash and you're gonna get paid in m-rated fanfiction

**(And that, folks, ends Part 1. Unluckyangel13 will be sending me part 2 soon. Please read and review!)**


	2. Chapter 2

Hot Boys Crack Fic Chap. 2

(**Hey, it's Goddess here! Here's a few side notes for this chapter: The cat that is said to be my lawyer in this crack fic is my kitten Finneas. Libby is my psychopathic, diabolical, but incredibly lovable gray cat. She's highly intelligent and I'm pretty sure she was human in her past life. And when I mention that I am on anti-psychotics in this chapter, it's true, I really am.)**

**Goddess:**

Kyo: That sounds reasonable.  
Me: Damn straight!  
Kyo: For the record, I AM straight. I'm just doing this to pay for more porno.  
Me: You live in a mansion! I'm pretty sure you're quite able to pay for porno.

**Unlucky:**

Zero: Am I gonna get paid too?  
Me: Maybe..

**Goddess:**

Zero: Well, all I'm going to say is that I'd better get paid or I'm not going any further...  
Me: Idle threats don't faze me!  
Zero: Who said it's an idle threat?  
Me: *Gets right in his face* I did. I'm the All Powerful One.

**Unlucky:**

Zero: What ever. If I'm not getting anything from this other than a sore ass then I'm out of here. *Starts walking away*

**Goddess:**

Me: *Lunges and puts him in a headlock* That's it! You're not going to get man-raped, it's going to be consensual!  
Zero: *Struggles* Let go of me you crazy woman! I never said I was going to get maped! I said that I wasn't going to do this!  
Me: You are SO going to go through with this! This is my fantasy!  
Zero: You're sick! Sick, I tell you! Sick!

**Unlucky:**

Kyo: Kid just get over here and bend over.  
Kaname: Trust me Zero, you'll be just fine.

**Goddess:**

Zero: I'm holding you to that, Kaname-chan.  
Me: *Squeals* He has a nickname for Kaname! SO cute!  
Kaname: *Leans in close to Zero's face and tilts his chin back so that Zero is gazing into Kaname's eyes (Like Tamaki does to all the girls in his Host club)* I'll hold you any time...

**Unlucky:**

Kyo: WE SHOULD START A HOST CLUB!  
Me: Just like Ouran! But first we need to find more hot guys... *Starts flipping through manga*

**Goddess:**

Me: Here's one! His name is Masayuki and he's from Butterflies, Flowers!

**Unlucky:**

Kyo: Nah, what about a pair of twins?  
Zero: I'm a twin!  
Kaname: But you killed him, and I don't like sharing...  
Me: Hikaru and Kaoru!

**Goddess:**

Me: *Throws Hikaru and Kaoru into the room* Here you go boys!  
Zero: Ooh, yummy.

**Unlucky:**

Hikaru: Why are we here?  
Kaname: Apparently crazy fangirls are trying to make a host club of their favorite boys, and you two made the cut.  
Yuki: *Walks in* Hey guys what are you doing?  
Zero: Yuki what are you doing here?  
Yuki: Nothing really. I just heard something weird and came to check it out. What's going on?  
Kyo: Finally someone with boobs that isn't crazy!

**Goddess:**

Yuki: Um...thanks?  
Kyo: *With a satisfied smirk* You're welcome. Hey, you're pretty hot.  
Yuki: *Blushes*  
Kaname: *Narrows his eyes* Keep your eyes off my sister.  
Kyo: Ooh, your sister? I'd like to get it on with her.  
Kaname: Doing me is one thing, doing my SISTER is another.  
Kyo: Ha, I'm fully capable of multi-tasking.  
Yuki: *Pulls out the Artemis Rod* That's it! I've had enough of the sexual harassment.  
Kyo: You know you want me.

**Unlucky:**

Yuki: PERVERT! *Starts madly swinging at Kyo*  
Kyo: *Flies away to dodge then swoops in and gropes Yuki*  
Yuki: *Smacks Kyo in the face*  
Kaname: *Tries to go help Yuki, but is held back by Zero*  
Zero: If she's ever going to defend herself she needs to practice.  
Kaoru and Hikaru: *Watching boredly*

**Goddess:**

Kaoru: *Turns to Hikaru* Shall we make out?  
Hikaru: *Leans in close* What ever you desire, brother.  
Kyo: Hey! Don't leave me out of the fun!  
Hikaru and Kaoru together: STAY OUT OF OUR TWINCEST MOMENT!

**Unlucky:**

*Random trap door opens and Yuki falls through*

Kaname: *Runs over to where Yuki fell*

Kyo: What the heck?

Zero and Kaname: YUKI!

Me: *Holding button behind my back* Kyo did it!

Kaname: *Grabs Kyo by his hair* You will pay for this.

Kyo: I didn't do it!

Kaname: *Gets ready to bite Kyo*

Hikaru: *Kicks off shoe and it goes flying into the back of Kaname's head*

Kaname: *Loosens grip on Kyo*

Kyo: *Flies away*

Kaname: *Grabs twins and throws them out* GET OUT!

Zero: What happened?

Kaname: I had him... His throat was bare beneath my hand

Zero: There there dear calm down

Kaname: *Singing* No I had him! His throat was there and he'll never come again!

Zero: *Also singing* Easy now Hush, love, hush I keep tellin you-

Kaname: When?

Zero: What's your rush!

Kaname: *Still singing* Why did I wait!  
YOU told me to wait!  
Now he'll never come again!

Theres a hole in the world like a great black pit  
And its filled with people who are filled with shit  
And the vermin of the world inhabit it-  
But not for long!

They all deserve to die!  
Tell you why, Zero, tell you why...  
Because in all of almost every single race, Zero  
There two kinds of men and only two  
Theres the one staying put in his proper place  
And the one with his foot in the other ones face  
Look at me, Zero, look at you!

No, we all deserve to die!  
Even you, Zero, even I  
Because the lives of the wicked should be - made brief!  
For the rest of us, death will be a relief  
We all deserve to die!

And Ill never see my Yuki  
No, Ill never Hug my girl to me-  
Finished!

Alright! You, sir  
How bout a bite?  
Come and visit Your good friend Kaname!  
You, sir, too, sir  
Welcome to becoming undead!

I will have vengeance  
I will have salvation!

Who, sir? You, sir?  
No one's in the coffin  
Come on, come on  
Kaname's waiting!  
I want you bleeders! You sir-anybody!  
Gentlemen, now don't be shy!

Not one man, no  
Nor ten men  
Nor a hundred Can assuage me-  
I will have you!

And I will get him back even as he gloats  
In the meantime I'll practice on less honorable throats

And my Yuki lies in ashes  
And I'll never see my girl again  
But the work waits  
I'm alive at last  
And I'm full of joy!

**Goddess:**

Kyo: Um...lovely rendition of Epiphany but I must ask this: WHAT THE *BLEEP* DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE CRACK FIC?  
Me: Shut up Bird Boy, my partner-in-crime and I just so happen to own this fic so we controls what happens in it!  
Zero: But you don't own us!  
Me: *Holds up a contract with all their names on it* By the way, thanks for signing this.  
Kaname: *Examines it closely* This is a legal document. I'm afraid there's no loophole.  
Me: *Wears a smirk* That's right. My cat is a lawyer.  
Kyo: Hold up! Your CAT is a lawyer?  
Me: Yes, he is. Normally I wouldn't trust him with anything, but he was too cute to resist. He wanted to help.  
Kyo: Great. We got sucked into a multi-species orgy by a cat...

**Unlucky:**

Me: *Walks in carrying multiple bags and holding leashes with the twins attached* Ok I got the Mt. Dew, some Burger King, blood tablets, chocolate, cool whip, and some cartons of ice cream.  
Zero: And the twins on leashes?  
Me: Smoe told me Kaname let them out and told me to bring them back.  
Kaname: Smoe?  
Me: Her. *Points to Goddess-of-the-moonlit-sky* It stands for Supreme Mistress of Earth. Please dont ask.

**Goddess:**

Me: All right boys, here you go. *Tosses them the cool whip* Let's start off with some cool whip body shots.  
Kaoru/Hikaru: *Look at each other. Shrug* Okay. *They open the cool whip*  
Kaname: *Dips his finger in the cool whip* Nice and creamy...*Sticks his finger in his mouth*  
Me: *Nearly passes out* Oh gosh...so...HOT!  
Kaname: *Leans in close to Kyo* Come, let us enjoy this cool whip together.  
Kyo: Okay...

**Unlucky:**

Me: B-b-but that was for my ice cream sundae!  
Zero: A group of hot guys are about to do cool whip body shots and you are upset?  
Me: Not really as long as you don't use up all of the bottles of... WHO STOLE MY CHOCOLATE SAUCE!  
Kaoru: *Licking chocolate sauce off of Hikaru*

**Goddess:**

Me: Don't worry, I brought extra. Boys, this chocolate sauce is off limits.  
Kyo: Oh come on! I want to do body shots on Kaname!  
Me: You can do body shots with this banana.  
Kyo: Say wha? How is that even possible?

**Unlucky:**

Me: Put stuff on it then lick it off... Or just deep throat it, that works too!  
Zero: Yeah go have a banana, Kaname is mine!

**Goddess:**

Kyo: Pfft. You guys suck. I'm going to go do this banana and then I will be right back. Don't eat any cake without me.  
Me: I thought you didn't like sweets!  
Kyo: When you're dating a mortal, you learn to like a lot of things.  
Me: *Excitedly* WE'RE DATING? YAY!  
Kyo: *Eyes widen* What? No! No way! You're insane! Misao is sane and safe and snuggly!

**Unlucky:**

Hikaru: With your brother, in a freezing cold basement where no one can hear her scream...  
Kyo: WHAT?  
Zero: They didn't tell you?  
Me: Who's idea was it to lock her up with his brother?  
*Everyone except Kyo and Unlucky-angel13 point to goddess-of-the-moon-lit-sky*  
*goddess-of-the-moon-lit-sky points at one of her cats*

**Goddess:**

Me: Um, it was Libby's idea! She's the diabolical one!  
Libby: *Shrugs and walks out*  
Kyo: I'm going to KILL YOU!  
Me: I'd like to see you try, big boy. See, I put this nice little collar on you. It's a shock collar. If you try to hurt me or Unlucky-angel13 in any way, this pretty little collar will give you a demon sized shock. And I do think that pink is a nice color on you.  
Kyo: THIS IS INSANE!  
Me: Of course it is. Why else do you think they would put me on anti-psychotics if I wasn't insane?  
Kaoru and Hikaru: Can we get one of those collars too? We kinda like pain.

**Unlucky:**

Me: Sorry, we only had one made... but we have some old dog shock collars!

**Goddess:**

Kaoru/Hikaru: Okay!  
Me: *Tosses them the collars* Here you go boys. Have fun but not too much fun (that's what my dad always says to me when he gives me money)  
Kaoru/Hikaru: Yay! *Run off*  
Me: HEY YOU TWO! GET YOUR ASSES BACK HERE!  
Kaoru: SEE YA!  
Me: KYO! DO SOMETHING!  
Kyo: *Struggling with the collar* No way! I'm busy!  
Me: SIT BOY!  
Kyo: *Goes down with a loud 'thump'*  
Me: Ha ha it works!

**Unlucky:**

Kaname: *whispers to Zero* Let's try to sneak out the back way*  
Me: *whispers* But what if we get caught?  
Kaname:*Whispering* Then we- HI THERE!  
Me: *Whispering* You two are planning to break out... I have the keys.  
Zero: Why would you help us?  
Me: I'm scared!  
Zero: Of her?  
Me: No, I'm scared of what's going to happen when she runs out of sugar and goes into withdrawal!

**Goddess:**

Me: Heeeyyyy, boys. I'm not quite sure as to who drank all my Mountain Dew, but I'm going on a rampage until I find out. And that means all of you are getting chained together in suggestive positions.  
Kaname: *Whispers* Oh. Crap. She's got shackles. Hey, where did you get those shackles?  
Me: They're the same ones you used on Zero. And the same ones I used on other hot guys whose names I have chosen to keep secret

**Unlucky:**

*Unlucky-angel13 Kaname and Zero are huddled together*  
Me: *whispers* Ok boys here's the plan, my car is in the back with something she will never be able to resist knocked out in my trunk. I'm going to bring it in and while she's distracted we escape... atleast until we get more Mountain Dew...  
Kaname: What could keep her from chasing us?  
Me: Sesshomaru after smelling chloroform... It wasn't easy to get him here...  
Zero: Will this work?  
Me: Do you want to be chained up forever?  
Zero: No but what about Yuki?  
Me: Relax, she fell down a slide, she should be in a trash bin... unless she fell into the incinerator...  
Kaname: WHAT!  
Me: Are you two in or not?  
Kaname and Zero: Yes!  
Kyo:I DONT WANT TO WEAR A SAILOR MOON UNIFORM!

**Goddess:**

Me: Kyo, quit protesting! You are SO going to be Sailor Moon. Mm, no, maybe not. She's too innocent. Here: *Throws a Sailor Pluto uniform at him* Wear this.  
Kyo: I WILL NOT!  
Me: YES YOU WILL OR SO HELP ME I WILL RESURRECT SHUHEI AND HAND MISAO TO HIM!  
Kyo: *Dramatic gasp* You wouldn't!  
Me: Oh yes, yes I would.

**Unlucky:**

Me: Oh hey boss lady, I still have stuff to bring in! And it's heavy so I'm gonna need to borrow Kaname and Zero to bring it in!

**Goddess:**

Me: Yeah yeah, go ahead. This had better not be some evil trick involving a tractor and a unicorn!  
Kyo: Wait a minute...HUH?

**Unlucky:**

Kaname: That's all part of Kyo's plan, we have nothing to do with that... Well let's go get the stuff.  
Zero: Yeah and you can take your time punishing Kyo... we still have a few trips of stuff.  
*Kyo Zero and Unlucky-angel13 leave, bring in a large trash bag and a few grocery bags and go back out*  
Hikaru: Ooh what's this... *Opens trash bag*  
Kaoru: There's a note... 'I couldn't find anything else to put him in, he should wake up soon!'  
Kyo: IS THAT SESSHOMARU? Sesshy buddy come on and wake up!

**Goddess:**

Me: *Is shoving ice cream in Kyo's mouth* EAT IT, BITCH!  
Kyo: Too...sweet...need...toothpaste. I want to be minty fresh.  
Me: Tell me about your plan! Where is the tractor and the unicorn? I want to know!  
Kyo: You're a monster!  
Me: No, I'm psycho. Not a monster.  
Kyo: What's the difference?

**Unlucky:**

Sesshomaru: *Disoriented* What happened? Where am I? WHERE DID MY SHIRT GO?  
Kyo: SAVE ME SEXY PANTS!  
Sesshomaru: I told you not to call me that...

**Goddess:**

Me: *Abandons Kyo and runs to Sesshy* Sesshy-poo! Come here!  
Sesshomaru: Oh no, not her. Please not her.  
Me: Oh, it's me.  
Kyo: *Slowly crawls away with what's left of his pride*

**Goddess:**

*Meanwhile outside*  
Yuki: Who the crap throws broken katanas into a trash bin?  
Kaname: Relax you'll heal up soon.  
Me: Will you two just shut up and get her in the car?  
Zero: Yeah we don't know how long the demon guy will keep her distracted!  
Me: Oh trust me we have atleast an hour...  
*Yuki and Kaname get into the back seats of my car*  
Me: And we are out of here! *Starts driving*  
Zero: Go faster!  
Me: If I do she'll catch onto us! I'll floor it when we hit the highway.

**Goddess:**

Me: *Is dressing Sesshomaru up like a pretty, pretty princess*  
Sesshomaru: Unhand me, woman!  
Me: *Sticks my tongue out at him* Make me, Smexy-poo.  
Sesshomaru: Do NOT call me that.  
Me: *Smirks* Or what? You have to admit, this is kind of kinky.  
Kyo: *Mutters* Thank Kami it's not me.  
Me: *To Kyo* Oh, don't worry, you're next.  
Kyo: *BLEEP*

Unlucky:

*With unlucky-angel13*  
Me: And that lady, gentleman and idiot is why I didn't want to floor it... Do any of you know how to change a flat tire?  
Zero: Well this is why you shouldn't have let me take the wheel.  
Me: Well sorry of being tired after working all night.  
Kaname: You have no job.  
Me: Did you not see all of the cages? Goddess had me setting all of those up, and I am really tired.  
Yuki: What was going into those cages?  
Me: Any hot guy Goddess wanted to cage...  
Zero: We have to stop her!  
Me: I know but first you need to change my fricken car tire!  
Kaname: Um... why don't we just 'borrow' that car? *Points to really nice car with the keys in the ignition*

**Goddess:**

Sesshomaru: *Now has a pearl necklace around his neck, hoop earrings (even though his ears aren't pierced) and his nails are painted* I hate my life, I hate my life, I hate my life...  
Me: Oh come now Sesshy-poo, it's not that bad.  
Sesshomaru: *Wildly* NOT THAT BAD? I LOOK LIKE A FREAKIN' TRANSVESTITE!

**Unlucky:**

Me: I refuse to steal someone elses car!  
Kaname: How do you feel about motorcycles?  
Me: Oh I see where this is going!  
Zero: Please don't tell me we're stealing motorcycles. I don't trust her driving!  
Kaname: Have you read City of Bones?  
Me: *Nods*  
Kaname: *Points to group of vampire guys* There motorcycles are the same as in the book.  
Me: ALL ABOARD THE FLYING MOTOR CYCLES!

**Goddess:**

Meanwhile, back at the ranch...  
Sesshomaru: What would it take for you to let me out of here?  
Me: Well...I always wanted to dance ballet! Will you dance with me?  
Sesshomaru: I refuse to lower myself to that level  
Me: *Gets right in his face with a scary look on my own face* Do you want to get out of here or not?  
Sesshomaru: Fine. Start the music.  
Me: Yay! *Starts the song "Tango de Roxanne* Let's dance!  
Sesshy: This isn't ballet music, it's the tango!  
Me: What's the difference?  
Sesshy: *Hangs his head* Oh boy.

**Unlucky:**

Me: You know Zero, you didn't have to shoot them  
Zero: They'll heal up.  
Kaname:Why did you go for their knee caps?  
Zero: I don't know  
Yuki: Ok let's go!  
Me: THAT WAY! *Points in some random direction*  
*Zero and Kaname both get on the front of their motorcycles. Yuki sits behind Kaname and Unlucky-angel13 sits behind Zero*  
Zero: Make sure you hold on tightly.  
Me: *Wraps arms around his waist* You smell like blood...  
Zero: Yeah Kaname fed me before we left  
Me: And you smell like chocolate...  
Yuki: I LIKED THAT BOOK!  
Kaname: Where are we going  
Me: Just relax and keep going straight at a slight 30 degree tilt. Oh and if we hit the Arctic we've gone to far, and if we hit a building then you idiots didn't put on the breaks like I told you to!  
*Zero almost hits a skyscraper*  
Yuki: Kaname keep your eyes on the road...er sky!

**Godess:**

Me: *Shoves a rose with thorns into Sesshy's mouth* Dance, Sesshy, dance!  
Sesshomaru: *Flails his arms because of the thorns. Says something incoherent*  
Me: *Takes the rose out of his mouth* What was that?  
Sesshy: SCREW YOU!  
Me: All right, that's it, you had your chance! *Attaches chains to his arms and legs and makes him dance like a puppet*  
Sesshy: I HATE YOU *Begins sobbing uncontrollably*

**Unlucky:**

Yuki: I think we're lost...  
Zero: We're not lost!  
Me: Just ask for directions! What is with men never wanting to stop and ask for directions!  
Zero: Because we have no clue where we're going!  
Me: JUST LAND THE FRICKING BIKE!  
Zero: Fine!  
*Kaname and Zero land the motorcycles*  
Kaname: I think we finally lost those guys that wanted us to play children's card games on motorcycles.  
Zero: Where are we?  
Me: Why don't you look down.  
Zero: *Looks down* Are we on a clock tower?  
Yuki: Is that Big Ben?  
Me: Welcome to the UK! My question is how we got here when we were flying to Canada...  
Kaname: Oh well, didn't you say we had to warn people about Goddeess?  
Me: Yeah so this is a good start! We need to find Earl Cain and his manservent Riff... oh and some students at Hogwarts!

**Goddess:**

Kaoru and Hikaru: *Walk in* Hey, we've got Mountain Dew and...*They see me forcing Sesshy to dance like a puppet and that he is now wearing a ballerina costume* Do we even want to ask?  
Me: *Squeals* You have Mountain Dew? Yay! *Claps hands joyously and runs to the six, 24 packs of Mountain Dew. Sesshy falls to the ground and mutters something. I ignore him and start popping open two cans and drain them at once*  
Sesshomaru: Thank Kami...*He eyes Hikaru and Kaoru* I am not going to thank you two because I refuse to thank mortals...  
Kaoru: T'ch, you're welcome. Jerk.

**Unlucky:**

Goddess: Well now that I have my sugar... *Pushes buzzer* Angel! Angel get in here!  
Kyo: She left days ago... with Zero and Kaname...  
Goddess: What! Libby you know how we deal with traitors...  
Libby: *Meows and climbs onto red button which launches missiles*

*Meanwhile over the ocean*  
Angel: Ok so we have Cain, Riff and Draco all safe... next I say we fly over to Japan!  
Yuki: Hey is that plane coming towards us?  
Zero: *Yelling* Well it's not a bird!  
Kaname: It looks like a-  
Angel: Oh it's just one of Goddess' elimination missiles heading towards us-WHAT!

*The explosion destroys the bikes and everyone falls into the ocean. All are assumed dead*

One week later Goddess, Kyo Sesshomaru and the twins are in her car on a road trip

Sesshomaru: Where are we going?  
Hikaru: She said somewhere far away where cops won't find us.  
Kaoru: But I think we may be lost...  
Kyo: Get a map!  
Goddess: Grabs a map... ok north is that way- *Points straight ahead*  
Sesshomaru: It's that way! *Points in another direction  
*Everyone starts arguing over which way is north*  
Kyo: Hey guys we just passed a sign that says welcome to Iowa and this map…is not a map. It is a poster of Edward Cullen.  
Goddess: Wow we were way off! We were supposed to go to my safe house in South Carolina! And give me back that poster. I want to look at Edward again!

*Meanwhile on some random beach a body washes up*

Random body: *Staggers to feet and coughs up sea water*  
Onlooker: Hey girl are you ok?  
Girl: I'm fine, just waiting for my friends.  
Onlooker: Alright if you're sure...  
Girl: Hey mister if a brown haired girl, brown haired boy or a silver haired boy wash up on shore tell them that Angel is in... where are we?  
Onlooker: South Carolina!  
Angel: Perfect, tell them to get back to their job while Angel is dealing with Goddess.  
Onlooker: You mean the crazy psyco called Goddess holding Anime characters hostage  
Angel: How did you know about that?  
*Onlooker takes off his hat to reveal himself as L from Death Note*  
L: Because I've been hired by a few rich characters to help take her down.

To be continued in sequel


End file.
